losing my religion, gaining my relationship

When it comes to conversations about religion, my story is simple. I used to be religious about Jesus until I found a relationship with Him. I grew up going to church, went to a Christian school, said the ‘Our Father’ prayer every morning, took communion, and even worshiped with my hands flung into the air. 

I think a lot of us have been in that place before. You’re told to pray this kind of prayer, sing these songs, do xyz, and you’re alright with God. Pretty soon it gets boring and seems pointless. You wonder if God exists, if He actually hears you, if He actually cares. 

Yes, I believed in Jesus but at that point I was only experiencing Him from a distance. There was no connection on my side, I just saw Him as an idol I could worship and depend on when in trouble. I didn’t realize how much I needed that connection until my life flipped upside down and I was stuck at a crossroad of having no one, trusting no one.  Relationships in my life were nothing but making everything more miserable; making the idea of a relationship with God even more difficult. I had no choice but to pray, though I felt peace in the moment I still struggled with the dark and bitterness in my heart. I didn’t give up though, I kept searching for that longing I wanted, that I saw in so many of my mentors around me. I began praying deeper, not the ritual “help me God” but a pleading prayer, a prayer of passion and pursuing Him with everything I had. A prayer of complete surrender. 

Mind you, this PROCESS was well over two years! Being completely transparent and real, this process even went through the time of my family dropping everything to pursue full time missions in a different country. I know it sounds strange, it was strange, but it’s the truth. Through all of this though, I have found a much deeper and greater connection with Him than I ever imagined possible. What I’ve learned in these encounters, through intimate prayer with God, and in taking time to read the Bible as well as books that explore the questions I have about Him, about the afterlife, and so on, is that God’s purpose for us all is to have a relationship with Him. A father son/daughter relationship. He wants us to run to Him when we are overfilled with joy, but also run directly to Him when we are overwhelmed and crying out with anger and confusion. 

He’s not so much interested in what I do and accomplish as much as getting to know me.

Of course, He already knows me but He wants me to voluntarily get to know Him and share my life with Him. And when I did that, my life was changed and it continues to change. You see finding God in what Christ did on the cross is what Christianity is all about. The Bible is more than a novel or just an ordinary book, it’s a catalyst for me to know God on that deeper more intentional level. It’s true that when you accept Jesus into your life, you do receive salvation but what I’ve learned from losing religion and gaining a relationship with Him is that heaven doesn’t begin when I die but here and now on earth.