September 15, 2021
It’s currently day five on the race. This blog is going to be a hard one & honestly probably very emotional and transparent. This journey hasn‘t been the least what I was expecting. Expectations…we all know those are rarely met anyways right?! I knew coming into it that the food would be weird, we’d have bucket showers, sleeping in tents, etc but I was NOT prepared emotionally or to be quite honest spiritually. It’s been a journey and process of thoughts that I was trying to wrestle with the Lord onto why I was here and what He wanted me to learn in this season. The first two days consisted of a lot tears and emotions, along with a lot of anger that I’ve been having to work through. I had wanted this for so long and now that it was here it was the last thing I wanted which was hard to swallow. Day three, I settled in a little more and had some really cool God winks that made me feel confident in knowing that this is where the Lord wants me right now. He’s revealed a lot to me the past five days on how He calls me to hard things, meaning I most likely will have to leave my comfort and my people. I’m a big control person so not being in control of my plans or having the ability to contact my people whenever I ‘needed’ has been a challenge. I’ve began to learn what full surrender looks like and how to depend on the Lord in such a deep level that is not easy and not necessarily fun to learn. I’ve learned how to start to withhold a mindset of full Lordship and giving over the authority of my life in order to fulfill my purpose in being a disciple and daughter of the King. As crazy as it sounds my tattoos have been such a sweet reminder of in the pressing and crushing it’s necessary for us to reach our full purpose and calling and as a child of the King he’s standing behind us saying little girl arise and awaken in me. I sat with my leader today just aggravated and honestly with a attitude of disappointment and aggravation, I wanted nothing but to just ditch all of this and go home to where it was easy and comfortable. Morgan my leader, reminded me that there is purpose in this season and the importance of taking these thoughts and emotions to the Lord. So in fact I did, we don’t have our phones throughout the day so I took some time to go on a walk and sit in solitude…and the woods lol to just express my fears, emotions, and concerns with the Lord and just ask Him to help me to fully surrender the things that were holding me down and to sacrifice my wants in order to withhold the purpose of this season.
The Lord made it so evident and clear to me on how this season is for me to be in complete awe of Him, walking in complete abandonment and surrender. I’m abandoning my comfort, whether that’s physical in the idea of my bed, a/c, and food or whether it was my emotions and the control over situations and how they turn out. If I’m wanting a true transformation in this journey and season in my life I have to choose in, even when that means me interrupting relationships and comforts for the time being. I’m praying for refinement, abandonment, and restoration. I’m resting in the assurance that the Lord HAS called me to this specific place at this specific time for a specific reason and all in all even if it gets hard reminding myself that as a child of the King I’m called to sacrifice and to above all things to love Him and to love His people, so Lord I give you the authority to move in whatever ways you want in this season, I pray for complete deconstruction in order for me to come out as a better version of myself and to make the effort to be an empty vessel for you to use for the benefit of building the Kingdom.
Lord I submit to you.
So good, Maddie! I’ve been there—feeling like I had made the wrong decision because I wanted the comforts of home. Continue to lean into God to allow Him to be your comforts of home. He is your home!
Maddie, Thanks for your honesty. Us parents back home know that what y’all are walking thorough these first few weeks is really hard, and you painted a concrete picture of reality that I appreciate. I know each one of you is learning, growing, processing at different rates and in various ways, and what God has in store for Team Haven is going to be incredible to watch! You are praying bod prayers, and I join you in asking God to make all of us (parents included) better versions of ourselves. Praise Him that He is never finished with His sanctification process in any of His children!
(Katherine’s Mama)
MADDIE! woah so good! I love the way you’ve shared the process of the Lord moving in your heart! Gosh this is so encouraging! amen to refinement, abandonment, and restoration !!