living in brackets-and it’s okay

Hey friends! It’s been a while and I have quite the update..this is going to be all over the place yet all things that the Lords have been doing in my life that I now see is working together. Spiritual warfare is real! Between fundraising, leaving the “norm” of American society and plans of college and leaving my friends and family it all seems to hit deeper and faster, leaving no choice other than to trust in the Lord and lean in closer than ever before. With all of this the Lord has been doing some work in my life these past few weeks so let my chaotic, messy, explaining begin….

Going back to the beginning, working this year unwantingly was nothing less than a blessing in disguise from Jesus. He brought a little surprise by adding not only a staff member but what would become a little angel on earth, a best friend, a mentor, an encouragement, simply a gift. Little did I know that all of this was about to happen though, through sharing ideas and plans for after graduating, the world race was brought up and so was another ministry on her side. God was already winking from above working in gathering it all together. Fast forward to a spiritual retreat day at school and having a speaker that ended up being her youth pastor, I decided to try the new scary idea of going to a church independently. The first day it was insane, it was a crazy sense of peace and a new transparency between me and the Lord that I couldn’t quite comprehend in the moment. It doesn’t stop there, I know right CRAZY…GOD DID THE UNEXPECTED!! He brought a second best friend and mentor, gives me cold chills thinking about it all. Not only have I been struggling with community but with losing a previous mentor in a rough time and traumatic way I had surrounded myself unintentionally in loneliness so that I wouldn’t have to suffer from that heartache and disappointment again. God then laid a plan in the hands of these two girls, to start a women’s bible study called Daughters. This, this right here has changed my life, not only has the community and book been crazy but watching them pursue the constant presence of the Lord and consistently living it out and inspiring so many others through it all taught me so much in itself. 

A few weeks later, traveling to Liberty university and meeting up with some previous world racers, they spoke and shared how the nitty gritty of the world race is and all that it encounters. Going back home I found myself in a state of wonder, questioning, and many other mixed emotions that I wasn’t comfortable in but knew there was good coming from it. The daughters book had a “scale” on where we think we are personally with the Lord as in distant or on fire. Sitting on my bed late that night I wasn’t quite sure what to circle for the scale. I sat there in a mind going a thousand miles an hour, I finally decided to draw brackets. I wasn’t quite somewhere in the middle but wasn’t quite on fire either; which was a hard reality I had to realize within myself. The brackets representing that I am in a season of progress, meaning that day to day my realities change but my passion and pursuit for the Lord remains the same. The next week youth and church was on easier said than done and too heavy to handle. It was perfect. It was a complete God wink. During worship I found myself unable to tame the tears rolling down my face with the biggest smile on, in awe of sitting back realizing and taking in all that the Lord was doing in my life, it was such a beautiful feeling and moment for me, something I hadn’t experienced before. 

So why do I tell you this story of these two girls and the impact they’ve had in my life.. Easy, there’s coaches in our lives that teach us to not settle and to drive for our passions. There’s teachers that saw our gifts and challenged us to develop them. The youth pastor that took us to camps and mission trips that opened our eyes to the world around us. The leaders who engage us, pushing us to do and be better. It’s the mentors- the people in our lives who deepen our walks with Jesus, push us to be our best selves, and disciple us in maturity. They carry a balance of encouragement yet development. Hebrews 13:7 is what I think of with these girls..”Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.” Pulling this all together I have learned this weekend that living in the brackets is okay and God desires for us to have Godly community to help build us up and speak truth and life into each other, to pray for one another, to lift one another up, and continue to pursue Christ together. So thank you Jesus for this community, these friendships, this church family, and the lessons you’ve taught me through it all. Praying for all who are reading this and encourage you to find community and know that ups and downs, brackets are normal and okay. 

Lastly, 

Alana..Morgan.. two of my greatest gifts from the Lord..I thank you both for your vulnerability and outward expression to living out your passion for Christ so that all of us around you can grow and are inspired. The Lord is using you both in such extravagant and miraculous ways. I love you both endlessly!!!!!!